Want to break a habit? Ask yourself this one question…

Published by Ben Brown on

Chances are good if you are reading this you have a habit you would like to break.

When you look at something you have been doing, especially something you now know is not very good for you, there is a very important question to ask.  It is so fundamental, but many have not stopped to ask it, despite many failed attempts to stop their habit.

This question is the secret sauce. Once you answer this question fully, the habits that we may have originally started to serve us, but later came back to bite us, can be changed into behaviors that serve us once again.  You might be surprised at how simple this one question is.

We will get to the question in a moment, but first take a moment to think of your habit and write it down. Be specific: What is the habit that you want to change and then Why do you want to change it?

Habit:  ______________

Why I want to change it: ______________

Then ask yourself this secret-sauce-power question:

“What am I getting out of doing this?”  Another way to ask this is, “What is good about this habit?”  Really, take a deep look, what are you getting out of doing this behavior?

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When you get clear about your answer to this question you can then start the creative process of looking at ways that are more current (and healthy) to get the same needs met.

Write down your first thoughts of other ways you can get these needs met that are good for you:

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If you are struggling with this it is a great time to ask your friends, family or hire a coach.

Here is a story about how effective asking this question can be. I teach in a residency program and often go into the room with doctors in training.  One day I was working with a student doctor who had heard me speak about helping patients become tobacco free (stop smoking), she asked if I could help her with her patient.  Her patient was a woman in her mid 50’s who had been smoking a pack a day since she was in her 20’s.  I walked in the room and asked the woman, “What is good about her smoking? What is she currently getting out of it?”  She paused for a moment and then said, “Hmmm, no one has ever asked me that. “ Then following a relatively short pause she said, “Absolutely nothing, I hate it, I think I will quit!”  She then reached into her purse, took out a pack of cigarettes, ripped them in half and thew them in the trash.

Though the answer to this powerful question is rarely as dramatic as with this women, it tells you how powerful this one question can be.  This residents jaw was practically on the ground.  This patient successfully quit and did not restart smoking (at least not for the next two years that the resident was around and able to give me updates).

So ask yourself, “What am I getting out of it? What’s good about this?” Then go about the fun work of creating new healthy ways to get the same needs met. Ways that are good for you, that you enjoy, that you can fit into your daily routine and start doing them and watch this old habit wither away…

When will I do these new behaviors?

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The best habits are habits that actually serve us, like exercising every morning, brushing our teeth, drinking enough water, eating a healthy lunch every day or keeping a journal. Since we all start habits for a reason, what are your reasons for wanting to start some good habits? If you start with what outcome you are wanting to create, developing good habits becomes a creative exploration (more on that in a future post).